* Now
* Archives
* Disclaimer
* Bio
* Cast
* AIM
*
Guestbook
* E-mail
* Notes
* Survey
* Profile
* Reviews
* Quizzes
* Rings
* Reads
* Fanclub
* Clix Me!
All Content and Code �2000-2006 by Red
Hosted by DiaryLand.
Wasted Time
2000-04-01 @ 13:41:13
Well I feel that last night was a total waste of my time. At least after Club Indigo until about now. I didn't have a good time, didn't feel accepted, didn't get anything accomplished in any way, didn't learn anything -- hence it was pointless.
The night started with Club Indigo. I was looking forward to an enjoyable evening with my boyfriend and my ex-best friend. (I don't consider her my best friend anymore, but we still talk and are still friends, but I could never trust her again) Things went fairly well and I had a good time. The movie wasn't very good, and he was quite vocal about that, but other than the bad movie, the evening was nice. The plan was to go out to her house after Club Indigo for a little party -- just the 5 of us sitting around drinking and smoking. I wasn't exactly invited, but he wanted me to come and there were no objections on her part. It wasn't fun for me. Everyone else was high or drunk and they were just being asses. Especially my boy. He earned the title of ass of the party quite easily last night. I was just bored. So I got my pajamas on and tried to sleep. . . but that didn't work well either. I am not happy in her presence anymore. I came to the conclusion that I have out-grown her company. There really isn't any other way to look at it. Scared me when my horoscope this morning said that I was outgrowing a companion and that it was time to move on. Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night and had a good cry. Mainly because I hadn't had one in a while and that I am having a hard time dealing with losing a friend. Well, ok, I have lost her as a friend, but it isn't a situation that I have ever been in. It hurts. It's also confusing since I have never been in a situation where I didn't blame myself for everything -- and here I don't blame myself. I feel that I have done nothing wrong. So I woke up this morning feeling pretty mellow and content that I came to that conclusion. All I wanted to do was go home and get a few things done, then spend the evening with him. Go to the movies maybe, or rent one and stay in. But I know that she will be there. . . and I don't want to be around her anymore. I feel as though I wasted the last 20 hours or so. Even more so than if I had slept or just sat alone. So now I get to make up for it. Errands to run, bills to pay, stuff to pick up at the library, etc. Just moving on with my life. . .
