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Motivation
2001-11-07 @ 10:53 a.m.
I am completely unmotivated today. Sure, I woke up on time (actually a little early) and got ready for the day. But after breakfast I had no intention on going to classes or studying or cleaning or anything. Even now, I don't want to do anything. I've been sitting here at the desk listening to music and staring out the window for close to an hour. I should be studying Mechanics of Materials or Physics. I should be working on fraternity business. I should be cleaning. I should be active. But instead I watch the clouds float by in the pale blue autumn sky.
I must admit that I have been in a decent mood for a few days now. Pretty much since I decided to try to retake control of my life. Yesterday was his birthday. I took him out to dinner -- we had a great time -- and told him that my emotional attachment is over. That I am taking him out of my life. He didn't really say anything. I don't think he believes me. All my debts to him are now paid. Granted, he didn't give me back my heart, but I'll just have to live with that. Now all I need is the motivation to stay away from him. I need the strength to be me.
The sky is so pretty today. Maybe if I stare at it long enough, the motivation to move on will just come to me.
