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Noon
2002-11-20 @ 11:48 a.m.
I'm so fucking tired of not having a choice. I do EVERYTHING right, and then my body says "nuh uh!" and does something stupid.
For instance, today. Before I went to bed last night, I got everything done I needed to for the day. I set my alarm so I would have plenty of time to get ready, go to the Post Office, and still make it to campus on time. Well, I woke up now. It's almost noon. Let's just say that I had to be on campus hours ago. That, plus the death virus isn't going away. My head feels like someone filled it with Jell-O. I look like hell, I feel worse, and I'm so upset with myself I can't describe it.
I have been trying SO incredibly hard to fight this. But it has become impossible to keep a schedule on my own. When I'm "awake", I can do anything. The problem is, is that I am never awake anymore. Or I am and I haven't slept in days. I can't do this anymore. . .
So here it is noon, I'm now officially 4 hours behind and I've missed 3 classes. And all I can think about is, this isn't the first time - but will it be the last? Will a miracle happen that allows me to focus and sleep a normal amount of time? Will motivation just *poof* appear?
I can't do this anymore. . .
