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Home
28 November 2002 @ 10:46 p.m.
I am ready to go home. Being downstate here has been alright, but I miss my bed and my kitchen and my phone and my desk. I miss my food.
He has begun to consume my thoughts again. Hasn't been like this in a long while. Like I said earlier, he isn't supposed to miss me. That isn't how our relationship works. We're close friends now, those feelings are supposed to be long gone. But they aren't. At least not on my side. And it sucks. I have no desire to feel the way I do; when I try to fight it I just feel worse. I walked around his new place imagining what it would be like if we shared it. If it was ours. And I just smiled. Things would be good then.
Dreams can be good, can't they? Too bad that is just the reocurring daydream for me and not reality.
Today is Thanksgiving. Spent it with the extended family. Was a decent day over all. But I came to the realization that my life isn't down here. It's at home. My home. I don't know the same people as my family. They don't know me. My own cousins didn't recognize me at first - especially the little one. And deep down inside, I'm ok with that. The family feels guilty because I write them but they don't write back. I understand how life can be and that people move on. I have moved on - as I will continue to do until I settle down with a family of my own. And then the daydream of our starter apartment comes to mind. . .
and I smile, if only for a second.
