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Christmas dreams
21 December 2002 @ 2:57 a.m.
It is INCREDIBLY late and I can't sleep. Three cheers for the return of insomnia!
Shame I must drive 10+ hours to the family home for the holidays in the morning.
I'm just as exhausted as I was when I wrote like 4 hours ago. . . but my mind is just racing. Combination of the good mood, music playing, memories flashing, and smell of dryer sheets keep me up better than caffeine. At least tonight.
Christmas is in four days. This means nothing to me. Ever seriously thought about what each holiday means to you, personally? Christmas means nothing. I mean, I get the generic "yay its family time and everything is pretty and let's show everyone how much we love them by getting them the perfect gift and everyone feels extremely happy and content for one 24-hour period", but nothing really stirs in my soul. I honestly have more feeling for New Year's Eve than Christmas.
And yet New Year's is the holiday I will be spending at work devoid of the people I care for the most.
I didn't put up a Christmas tree this year. Nor did we hang mistletoe or any extra lights or anything. I did put out a candy dish with those new mint Hershey Kisses though. That's festive, right? The radio keeps playing these Christmas songs by the newer pop artists. Maybe I just suffer from a lack of Bing Crosby these days. That man can put ANYONE in a holiday mood.
The one person that I want to spend all my holidays with isn't here. He and I get three days together between Christmas and New Years. The thought that he is the one I want to have help me hang a holiday wreath each year brought tears to my eyes. Again. I know, this isn't new. But I am continuously reminded of little things that keep him and me together. As well as the little things that keep us apart.
Still haven't figured out his present. I have everyone else done - well, still have to put together the girls' presents and mail them. But I have them (they arrived yesterday afternoon - I haven't been this excited to send out mail in a while).
I think I need to dig through my music and make a tape of Bing Crosby and such for the drive tomorrow. I really should be on the road in less than seven hours.
Too bad I'm not tired.
