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Chewba's Kitchen
05 January 2003 @ 4:42 p.m.
Last night was one of those nights that I will remember forever. I guess I'll just start at the beginnng. . .
HBO's lineup last night was fantastic so I had a date with my couch for the evening. Mt. Dew on ice, crocheting out and ready, candles lit, tv on - I was ready. Got through the first movie just fine... but the second, A Beautiful Mind, was really really hard on me. I still see the scene where John is sitting in his kitchen, holding his baby - baby's crying and he's in a daze. . . how dare a movie play many of my worst fears about mental status and friendship over and over and over. Turned it off in a huff of tears, came back to my computer.
Chewba was online and wanted me to come over. He and Ari were at their house breaking in their new shot glasses and wnated me there. Thought about it, dried my face, found some socks, and drove over at like 11:30.
The golden rum flowed nicely last night.
We sat around thier kitchen table for hours just talking and laughing. Ari wound up going to bed at like 3:00 - her parents were coming to visit today for the day. Chewba and I stayed down in the kitchen. . . talking, remembering, revealing.
Now three years ago during a "time-off" from J, Chewba and I gave things a try. We both know that we have a history and that it failed - he was chicken shit at the time and I let him down in typical Red fashion. We are still close friends.
Last night, we got closer.
Sitting at the table, face to face, hand in hand, talking about personal philosophies, failed relationships, families, fears, pain, etc. Staring into those large, hazel eyes for hours almost made my knees weak. Almost. He came to the realization that we deal with the exact same things - just completely opposite. He hides from his conscious mind, me from my subconscious.
I came SO close to just spilling everything last night. I can't decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing that I kept so much inside.
I wound up leaving at 7:30 this morning. He wanted me to stay, sleep there for the day. We'd hide in his room while Ari's parents were there. I declined, wanted my own bed.
I haven't had a hug like the one I got as I was leaving in years. He gives the best damn hugs. And at that moment I remembered why I was willing to give that one a shot so many years ago... that hug must've lasted 20 minutes. Ended with a kiss on the forehead that felt like it shoulda been somewhere else. But it was good. Really good.
There's no way I will be able to forget a night in the kitchen. . . good rum and a good friend.
currently reading: Blood of the Fold - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: Trance Station of Netscape Radio
