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Cold & Quiet
08 January 2003 @ 1:10 a.m.
Today I had a taste of what life would be like if I lived alone. Granted, I'd been living here alone for the past week, but today I really had the taste.
I woke up crabby. That didn't make the morning go well. Work was, well, blah. But I came home at 5:15 to a cold, empty, quiet house.
Immediatly went around lighting all the candles on the first floor, sat down on the couch for rerun sitcoms and a cigarette. I haven't smoked in the house in years. Always against it. But it felt right tonight. Got up, made a fabulous dinner for one of grilled ham&cheese and soup. Sat down for more tv.
And then it hit me. This is how my life would be every single day if I lived alone. Not the joy of walking into a warm, bustling home in the evening hearing soundtracks to musicals blaring from the third floor or giggles from the kitchen. But silence and vanilla candles flickering in the draft.
The bathroom would always be clean. The plants always watered. No dishes would pile up. But who would be there to kick me in the butt when I was crabby? Who would be there to share a big meal with?
So I invited several people over for dinner tomorrow. See if it helps to have people over for a while. . . maybe I can do this living alone thing. Or at least test drive it until the kids get home this weekend.
currently reading: Blood of the Fold - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: Letters To Cleo - Sister
