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Social Life with T
17 January 2003 @ 12:04 a.m.
What am I so afraid of? Why can't I bring myself to enter a large social event of any sort this week?
*ponders*
T swooped back into my life yesterday. He's come back to school to finish his BS - moved back into the house. Called me yesterday evening, asked why I hadn't stopped by, his car was parked at his house since Sunday and I didn't see it.
Bastard. As if I spend my time searching for his car in a frat house's parking lot on a daily basis.
He wanted me to come over that night for a gathering. I said I'd be there. Did I show up? No. I struggled with going over and not all night. Yes, all night. Wound up sending him an e-mail (not even a phone call!) at like 2:00 this morning saying I'm a lame ass and will you meet me for lunch. Come to my office at noon and we'll eat.
T showed up at 11:30 today in my office. Hair has grown back, toned up a bit, carhardt coveralls, work boots, and a new hat. Started laying into me for standing him up. How dare I do that to him. He expects it from others, but not me.
How do you tell someone that you can't bring yourself to "go out" for days at a time?
So now it's Thursday night. Going out night. Live music, dancing, bar hopping. T called, when is Mike coming to pick me up to go dancing. I tell him I think I'm going to stay in with the housemates for pizza and Will & Grace. He grumbles again. Hour later, housemate gets picked up by other friends to head out dancing. "Aren't you coming out tonight, Red" they all asked. I shook my head - no explaination.
I sit here, Beastie Boys blaring and laundry waiting to be folded wondering why I can't just pull it together and go out dancing for one lousy night.
But something inside me says, stay home tonight. It's better this way. Really.
currently reading: Blood of the Fold - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: Beastie Boys - Ill Communication
