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Here. Now. This.
19 January 2003 @ 11:11 p.m.
My face is sticky from the falling rain. Eyes are heavy with the weight of it all. Stomach in knots again - I should have expected it.
I can't do this anymore.
Overwhelmed with life. Overwhelmed with responsibilites. Overwhelmed with lonliness. With my heavy heart.
I can't do this anymore.
Nothing seems to work. Concentration lacking. Mind fleeting. Yearning to feel. . . yearning to feel nothing. Wishing I was stronger. Wishing I was who everyone thinks I am.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm letting others down. Displeasing myself. Wishing to run away again - but have no where to go. I want to call someone, anyone, to come hold me. Knowing that there is no one who could, even if they wanted to.
I can't do this anymore.
The fears of everyday life consume my everycontemplating mind. Hopes and dreams are clouded by the challenge of simple tasks. Reading has become too much for me to handle. Rocking, back and forth in my chair.
I don't want to be here anymore. Not even the beauty and purity of the snow can change how I feel.
My heavy eyes and heart are pulling me down; sliding backwards down the slippery hill.
My body, my mind, won't let me do this anymore.
currently reading: Blood of the Fold - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: Ani DiFranco mix CD
