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Men, snow, and sleeplessness
25 January 2003 @ 10:44 a.m.
I was left unfulfilled last night. Incredibly unfulfilled.
House party here - sucked. It's like out of everyone I know, all of the lame socially-inept people came over while the others hid. I was in the mood for a real, decent party. Everyone else was satisfied with lemonade and card tricks. Not my idea of a good time. So I ditched out, headed over to T's place leaving the excuse I needed to "make an appearance" at another party.
He's messed up, again. As if this should surprise me. But even messed up he's better company than the kids back at my place. Serious talk started - talked for what seemed like hours, though honestly I have no idea how much time went by. Music of our individual and collective past. Wound up dancing together to "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" in his room. Holding each other. I needed that. He wanted me to stay the night, I said I needed to get home and get some sleep.
And I left. Back to the "party" at my own place. People were starting to clear out. Chewba's there and drunk. Within minutes of my arrival, he and I are in the kitchen - arms around one another - talking and laughing with a few others. Felt too comfortable.
Everyone left, housemates head upstairs to bed. Chewba and I are alone on the couch talking until the early morning. Talking about everything. How we are constantly "type-cast" amongst the others. I'm the helpful responsible mom. He's the dark anarchist. How we really aren't those people deep down.
I went to bed, alone, around 5:30 a.m. Overall I didn't have a good time. I wish that I had gathered those I wanted to be with and dragged them to the bar. Where we could talk and laugh and be merry without the socially-inept. Where I could have a good time. Where I could lose my crabbiness and be happy, if only for a moment.
My house is trashed. I am just as cranky, if not moreso, than yesterday. Wasn't worth my time. Except for that dance with T. And the six inches of light fluffy snow that appeared. Those saved the night.
currently reading: Temple of the Winds - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: that dog - Retreat from the Sun
