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Crescendo
28 January 2003 @ 9:49 p.m.
Today has been a crescendo. One big 18-hour crescendo.
Up bright and early this morning for the dreaded doctor's appointment. Put a big comfy sweater on and make-up. You can't cry with make-up on! Or at least that's the intention of putting it on. Get there right on time, head in. Joke around with the nurse about me gaining weight to attempt to lighten up my mood. Doesn't work. (though I've gained 1 lb in 2 months since the last check-up - probably the sweater) Blood pressure is high. Extremly high for me. Can you tell I was scared shitless?
Doc comes in, pokes and prods in the most painful places. Bend this way, bend that way, move your toes. X-rays are ordered, I cry.
I REALLY needed someone to hold my hand today. (there goes that strong independant image) X-rays occur, no spinal fracture. Excellent. That was the last thing I needed - a fractured vertebrae. But now what?
So now I'm left in limbo. I've been put back on full restriction - no lifting, no shoveling, limited walking & exercise, limited housework - for two weeks. Heavy anti-inflammatories are pulled out of hiding.
Here's hoping I just made the old injury a wee bit pissy and didn't rip open another.
Came home and cried. Cried hard. Called my father and cried to him. Missed two courses trying to pull myself together.
That's when the phone call came - I'm hired at camp for next summer. Got my raise, got my prepaid pass to Midstates ACA Conference, got my kids. Fantastic!
*watch mood meter rise a bit*
Roomie comes home, apologizes for not shoveling, proceeds to go outside and clear off the entire front walk. House becomes spotless as I work off the last bits of frustration by doing dishes.
*watch mood meter rise a bit more*
Head to last class which is taught by same prof as the course I missed this morning. Totally sympathetic, stays after class with me to fill me in on the morning activities. I didn't fall behind.
*mood meter approaching "good"*
Came home to a clean house with clean steps. I can't emphasize enough how happy that makes me.
*mood meter rises even more*
I get to watch my show. Made food for myself. New CDs burned of fantastic techno for long drives and hours in the lab. Collage worked on. Bills paid. etc etc etc
Now I'm hyper. I partially blame the drugs, but I know its because the stress of finding out if I truly broke myself is over. Now I just wait and see if the pain goes away.
Plus J and I talked again today for a long time. He'll be up here in less than 3 weeks now. Valentine's Day of all days. *sigh* I miss him. Tonight would be a great night to curl up in the arms of a close male friend and drift off to sleep knowing they are there.
My dreams tonight will be fantastic. They have to be; must continue this crescendo.
currently reading: Temple of the Winds - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: G021 Deep Dish:Moscow Disc 1
