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Bitter Sleep
08 February 2003 @ 12:48 p.m.
Sleep didn't come to me last night. I worked myself up so much over everything that I couldn't sleep.
There's nothing like watching B movies at 5:30 am alone.
I've decided to call J and have him tell me whether or not I should find my own place and move out in June. I just have to wait until I know he's awake and functioning. He'll be able to tell me, he knows me best. Tried to call Canada last night again. . . nothing. I'll try again today. She's the next step in the "Tell Red what to do" thing.
Today the snow falls thickly. The plows driving by woke me from my short nap at 8:00 this morning. Everything is covered once again by the freshness and purity of crystalline white. Everything except my mood.
I'm bitter, angry, and needy. Decided last night that I will be shutting myself off again. I have no reason to interact with others just to save face. Big Brother did it last year and I hated him for it, but what else can I do? I am fearful of becoming violent against the roommates.
I can't let that happen. I can find a way to force sleep upon myself for a few days. I miss my dreams. Happy dreams of what could be.
currently reading: Temple of the Winds - Terry Goodking
currently listening: that dog - Retreat from the Sun
