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Hold Me
04 March 2003 @ 12:35 a.m.
The rollercoaster continues. . .
I feel like I accomplished so much today, yet I know I did nothing more than pay bills, go for a walk, and watch tv. It's this feeling of total contentment - though without reason.
Daydreams were in full today, though. Saw my dream kitchen in a magazine and it set off everything. The daydreams of my future, perfect house came back. This time it was my house - not this one. And it was truly mine. . . and J's. Beautiful, bright kitchen done in greens, yellows, and white. Big windows. Herb garden over the sink. Beautiful. J was there, reading at the table again with wine. It's always the same.
Made the round of phone calls tonight, though reached nothing but voice-mail. I've become very familiar with the girls' respective voice-mails. Though the silly international carrier wouldn't connect tonight.
But now the rollercoaster is spiraling downward. . . down down down. I really want to be held tonight. Moreso than yesterday. A big strong pair of arms to surround me, give me comfort. I have given up the strong, independant facade. I need to be held, damnit.
currently reading: Soul of the Fire - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: the radio
