* Now
* Archives
* Disclaimer
* Bio
* Cast
* AIM
*
Guestbook
* E-mail
* Notes
* Survey
* Profile
* Reviews
* Quizzes
* Rings
* Reads
* Fanclub
* Clix Me!
All Content and Code �2000-2006 by Red
Hosted by DiaryLand.
Rollercoaster
03 March 2003 @ 2:10 p.m.
It's been an emotional day thus far. Let's ride the rollercoaster that is my life.
But first, recieved another review late last night. Score is fine, but her comments really puzzle me.
"With your content, I felt that the layout really portrayed, you have a stable nonchanlet life in my opinion, and that's the feeling I got from your layout. The feeling i get from you is that everything is not a big deal to you, which is fine in it's own way. I was really easily able to get a feel from your diary. I thought it was good."
I want to know what she read to get a care-free, stable, "not a big deal" feeling. Honestly. Because the IP tracker said she read 12 entries. I assume the more recent ones. The entries where I was fretting impending spinal surgery - alone. Each reviewer has their own opinion. Like I've said before, that's the purpose of one. And most of the time I can see where they get their opinions. . . not this time.
I'm puzzled.
But moving on to the events of the morning...
Was awakened by the phone - it's a friend of the Little (whom I am quickly becoming close to) - and she's in the hospital in Wisconsin. She fainted, fell, and proceeded to completely fuck up her legs, back and possibly more damage to her heart. She called because she needed someone who's been there to talk to. Flashbacks began of the hospital room, the waiting, the panic attacks when they left me alone, how they dared to touch my hair. Comforting someone from 300 miles away sucks ass. Bigtime ass. All I want to do is drive down there and be with her for the next few days.
But no. Because my back still isn't back up to normal I'm still restricted from travel. Especially travel alone.
Got her room number and such - I'll try to call her tonight around dinner time to see how she's doing.
Got off the phone. Cried. Needed to for some reason, not completely certain why.
Talked with J shortly there after. He apologized like crazy for not calling all weekend. The boy feels guilty now when we don't talk for a few days in a row. He finally purchased a new dresser. I wanted to be there with him when he did that. And he knows it. So J did his best to describe it to me.
Started crying again. This time because I'm realizing how much I miss him. The little things like buying a new dresser are the things I want to be there for. The fact that he apologizes for something before I can say that he disappointed me - because he knows. He knows.
Also recieved tons of messages from all the kids who were in North Carolina for the conference. "Congratulations on your re-election, Red." "Looking forward to you as an officer for another year!" etc etc etc. This is great and all, but then I find out all the goings on that happened down there. That Chewba hooked up with someone. That Ari had half the kids there yearning for her. That I missed out on the fun, attention, and bonding.
I honestly need some attention today. I've picked up the phone around thirty times beginning to dial numbers of people far away, only to stop because I know it won't fulfill my desires.
On top of it all, Bass Player re-entered the dreams last night. Which makes me want to search him out again.
*sigh*
currently reading: Soul of the Fire - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: Global Underground's Nubreed 002
