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Spring
22 April 2003 @ 7:11 p.m.
I heard something on the walk into campus this evening - birds singing. I could only hear one or two chirping at each other, but what a fantastic sound. Finally. NOW spring has reached the area. Most of the snow is gone, the sun peeked over the hills, and now the birds.
I really need to track down either Canada or Bubbles or both tonight. It's time for the point-blank "Red, here's what you need to do" speech. Both of those women are incredibly capable of it. I have been wishy-washy about everything today. Everything. I can't do that anymore.
Someone asked me this morning if I love working at camp and if I was looking forward to this summer. I lied to her and told her how I normally feel about my summer work. And now I feel all sick inside - I shouldn't have to hide my feelings about work. My only reasoning is that if I open up that can of worms, everything will come pouring out. Everything. People who only know me casually don't need everything. In fact, they probably wouldn't want to know me if I did that.
T called tonight. Wanted to see how I was doing. Apparently, he "can't stand the miserable Red" and I am "pissing him off more than anything". Now, we haven't talked since last Wednesday for any real amount of time. He doesn't know the situation with J. I do believe my little frat boy friend is starting to pick up on emotional signals of his friends. Which is amazing for the man who only cares about himself and the woman he's currently screwing (never me). He wants to head to the bar tonight to discuss everything over beer.
Red + alcohol + depression + public = anger fits + tears
So maybe I just won't drink. Maybe.
In the meantime, I will celebrte the final onslaught of spring by sitting indoors in the office working.
currently reading: The Pillars of Creation - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: Dave Matthews Band - Under Table and Dreaming
