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Breather
23 April 2003 @ 3:30 p.m.
Time to take a bit of a breather.
The Clef is out. That's done. Sure it's a day late, but it's done. Almost caught up on my course readings - should have that done tonight. Only one more newsletter to re-edit and then finish up all the interviews for my survey project.
That's right - I am almost caught up on everything. I immersed myself in work Monday, Tuesday and today. I hardly ate, limited my sleep, and refused to allow myself to think.
But now I need a breather. My head hurts. J called today. In fact I just got done talking to him. He just wanted to say hi. Then he was all "are you mad at me". The conversation went from there. He doesn't feel he hid anything from me because the new girl isn't serious. They've only gone out on a few dates etc etc etc. I explained how he broke the promise he made to me and that I was done giving him more chances in my life.
Then he began to apologize. If he'd been here in person, he would have groveled. It's the same damn cycle over and over and over again.
This is the man who has caused me more happiness and more pain than anyone else. Ever. And he kept saying "I'm sorry" over and over and over again. Apologizing for not calling as often as before. Apologizing for not telling me sooner about the new girl. Apologozing for not being there for me.
I hung up on him to avoid the finalization of whatever will come from this. I don't know what to do. J is my world. He has been since we met. We both hurt together. We both smile together. We want to spend our lives together, whether we are married or not. But for the past year or so, that world has hinged on one promise - a promise that was recently broken.
How do I end my world, if I can do it at all?
currently reading: The Pillars of Creation - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: -
