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The Letter
25 April 2003 @ 8:46 p.m.
J--
I figured if we are to go through this cycle again, I might as well keep up my part and send a handwritten letter. I have no intention of going around in circles with you ever again. No more having a seemingly wonderful, trusting relationship only to be smacked in the face with hurt only to have a fight, apology, letters, then start again.
You have given me more happiness and more pain than anyone else in my life. You have been the one I turn to for support; the one who picked me up when I fall. I loved you as a Brother, a friend, a lover, a confidant, a playmate. You were the first I trusted with my sordid past, present and hopeful future. Days at camp were filled with hopes of a letter or phone call from you, my friend. I looked forward to the few times we are able to see each other - to laugh together again. Yet over the past five years I have spent more nights than I am able to count crying in hurt from you. Your insecurities and lack of responsibility have hurt more than just me.
We made a promise to each other a while back that, no matter what, we'd be truthful and open with one another about everything. That was such a great night - we truly became best friends, something we both needed. You went off to have your relationship with "G" and I began my life as an independent single woman. We talked about everything, even after you moved away. But you broke that promise to me at a time when I needed you most.
So let me send you the same wish I gave before - I hope the new girl gives you whatever it is you are looking for. I hope she makes you laugh. I hope she is loving enough for someone as caring as you can be.
You asked me what you could say or do to change things or make things better between us. If you truly want to salvage the bits that are left of our relationship, you'll think of something. But until then, say goodbye J.
I will miss the happiness you once gave me.
Red
I have no idea if I will ever send this. But it is written and signed. I'll have to sleep on it, I guess. If you want, let me know what you think about it in my guestbook. With that, I'm going to spend the night in bed reading.
currently reading: The Pillars of Creation - Terry Goodkind
currently listening: The radio
