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Mundane
04 May 2003 @ 10:55 a.m.
The withdrawl has gone into full effect. I don't plan on going out today at all - just a simple day filled with things I need to do.
My mundane life has always seemed interesting to me. The little things that happen every day are to be cherished, the out-of-the-ordinary are to be dealt with. This weekend, while it may seem innocuous to others, was a huge deal to me. Thursday night was an enormous eye-opener. Friday night was a complete let down. Saturday night (last night) was me trying to truly be me and be smacked down again.
I'm dealing with the conversations I have had with Bass over the past few days. There possibly could have been something there, but I didn't go for it. I mean hell, it's honestly been over a month since I'd thought about him. Then last night I found out who it was that told him - the answer didn't surprise me at all. In fact, I was sitting across from her in the bar when she told him back in January or so. Last night he and I met up at the bar again. This was after I went to see his band's final performance. They were playing at the theatre I work for, I had just gotten off work, so I went into the house to listen. After the show I went backstage to talk to some of the crew about going out that night, when Bass came right up to me and asked what I was doing later. Stupid games. Games that go nowhere.
Local music filled last night. Local music and drinking. So much rum. I feel as though I've been drinking constantly since Thursday evening. I probably have. The music was great, though. I felt there was no other way to end the semester than hitting up as many bands as possible after I left the theatre. Me, immersing myself in what I love. Yet the night was still a let down overall.
I blame the thoughts the fill my head and the huge amount of drink. I blame the lack of cigarettes and the hoodie. I blame the guys who were hovering over me last night at the final bar we hit. I blame my sheer lonliness and how my "friends" are rubbing it in my face with my blindness to suitors and my bad timing.
My little mundane life - so normal, yet so perplexing.
currently reading: -
currently listening: 90s Alternative station of Netscape Radio
