* Now
* Archives
* Disclaimer
* Bio
* Cast
* AIM
*
Guestbook
* E-mail
* Notes
* Survey
* Profile
* Reviews
* Quizzes
* Rings
* Reads
* Fanclub
* Clix Me!
All Content and Code �2000-2006 by Red
Hosted by DiaryLand.
Start Again
22 May 2003 @ 8:57 a.m.
Well, here I am. Downstate at House#1, half moved in, and going through this incredibly odd sense of overwhelming frustration.
Moving Day wasn't all that bad. The Father came up with an uncle and with a little help from Chewba moved all of my belongings into a storage bin. It's such an odd thing to see everything you own packed up in Wal-Mart brand bleach boxes sitting in a hallway, then moved to a 10' x 10' cement and aluminum storage bin. My car and the truck were then packed with everything that was being brought down here, and the big drive began. Driving out of the area with my Nalgene full of ice water and the tape deck blaring old tapes of random 90s indie music, I broke out into a heavy cry. Thank goodness I was able to drive a ways behind the Father so he couldn't see me bawling as I left my home.
I knew that I made some HUGE decisions over the past few months. Leaving my house, quitting camp, moving back in with The Parentals for a few months, cutting off contact with J, etc etc. It's just that I wasn't truly ready for the feeling I had as I carried out the last thing to my loaded car - the DVD player J gave me. It felt so symbolic of everything rolled up into one, me carrying only my purse and the DVD player down the multitude of stairs from my first true home. That was MY house. It's where MY memories were formed.
But it isn't any more. My lease on it is over. The phone isn't in my name anymore. My bed is gone. For now, I live here, back at the house I grew up in, in a bedroom that is half the size of my old one, in a house that is both nicer and smaller yet less "homey" than the one farther north.
I spent yesterday on the job hunt again. I have two very possible leads right now - both of which are in a town almost 40 minutes away. This isn't how I planned it. I wanted to be at House#2 and living on the beach and working within walking distance. Not here and having to drive so far. But the jobs are better there, and they seemed like they want to hire me.
Red as a bartender at a big ritzy tourist hotel. That's the big possibility right now.
I guess this would fall under the "Night-time Naughty Red" vs the "Day-time Girl Scout Red". I'm supposed to hear back today if I get a second interview or the job or what. So I get to sit around the house waiting. Waiting.
currently reading: Damia's Children - Anne McCaffrey
currently listening: Best of Ani Mix CD
