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Highlight
11 June 2003 @ 11:03 p.m.
The highlight of my day was when I hit three miles in my daily walk. While this is a great thing, it is also as pathetic as one can get.
The nightmare was a horrible beginning to the day � both because it freaked the shit out of me and because it caused me to wake up incredibly late. As if I had somewhere to be . . .
I am beginning to head back downhill. The mundane tasks around the house aren�t keeping me mentally busy enough. Baking, weeding, dusting, and laundry are fantastic and I usually enjoy these tasks, but I need something more to add to them. Something that inspires me, challenges me, and allows me to earn a living. Without said challenges, my mental status begins to fall. Fall down into the gray cloudiness of nothing.
My financial status is slowly heading away from the black and into the red. While I still have enough dough to keep me a float and all of my bills are paid for the next month, there isn�t much left. I did something today that I hate, despise, loathe and will regret for a good long time because of my financial broke-ness. I cancelled my reservation for my Girl Scout Honor Troop�s 25th reunion. This was the troop that led me to my true love of scouting. This was the troop that encouraged me into the camping world. This was the troop that gave me the self-esteem to be the person I am today. I spent six years in the Honor Troop, the longest you are allowed to be. I was its Senior Patrol Leader. And yet I am unable to attend its 25th Reunion because no one will hire me.
Shouldn�t someone want to hire me just because I had been in this troop?
I had to break the news to my best scout friend tonight, whom I met at the selection back when we were in seventh grade. We are still incredibly close and had been planning on sharing a hotel room for the big event. Tonight I told her that I couldn�t afford the food or hotel, only the registration which just doesn�t work for the entire weekend. She understood, but I know that I let her down. Hell, I let myself down. I shouldn�t be where I am right now in my life. I should be like her � a career woman getting ready to finally live on her own now that she has a fantastic career in the medical field.
Instead I�m here, living with the Family, broke, jobless and trying to figure out a way to pay for my final year of university as well as the dream apartment.
Hence why the three miles was the highlight. It�s the only thing I have to brighten my day. At least the fitness routine is on track. For now.
currently reading: -
currently listening: local radio (No Doubt is on right now. Fancy, eh?)
