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Useless
16 June 2003 @ 11:58 p.m.
The tummy ache turned into a full blown out two days of nausea. There was no traveling Saturday night. There was no cavorting around the Detroit area with crazy kids. There were no run ins with J, no drunken dancing, nothing. I sat in the TV room wrapped up in my robe watching HGTV and Oh!.
I have definitely become the lonely pathetic female. Total Bridget Jones Diary type crap here. Only there are no men for entertainment unless you count that Andrew guy on �While You Were Out� on TLC.
Father�s Day was decent. I drove down to pick up Sis in her carless state and we went down to House#2 for the day. Spent the day with the Parents and Grandparents doing what? Gardening. The Mother and I worked on finishing up the big garden that is on the outside edge of our property. There are these great little succulents that grow all around that area that I have always loved. In an old garden we had surrounding a cedar tree, I used to grow them for fun. Everyone else hated that garden due to its poor location. Apparently, the Grandmother cannot get rid of them. The small rosettes are just fantastic, so I�m thinking I�ll put some in small pots to line a shelf or windowsill in the new place.
That new apartment is all I can think about right now. Moving into my own place. Decorating it to suit me. Having all of my things in one place. Realizing that I own no kitchen appliances besides my gigantic margarita-makin� blender. There�s also the fact that as of right now, I will not be able to pay my rent come August. I have all these dreams, yet have no way to fulfill even one. I found the shelf stereo system that I would like as well as the chair for my �living room�. Both of those together will be under $300. $300 I do not have. I feel so poor, so dependent, so useless. So I dream.
That�s all I ever have anymore � my dreams.
currently reading: Timeline - Michael Crichton
currently listening: the tv
