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Balance
19 June 2003 @ 10:05 a.m.
Somedays are in perfect balance. The worst thing in the world occurs only to be followed later by something wonderful. Diet and exercise are in harmony.
I hate days that start off the way yesterday did - fear, worry, hatred, and want all rolled up into one pajama-clad redhead. Somehow my head was consumed with thoughts of J. All I wanted to do was see him face to face to either end things or make up. After a brief chat with Sis, I instant messaged him at work. You know, the best way to handle these sensitive conversaitons is always over IM. Yeah right. The conversation went something like this:
Hi.
Well hello there!
*big pause*
I think we need to see each other. Talk in person and sort some things out. Meet me at blah blah, this Friday evening work for you?
um...ok... why?
This was when my head exploded. We've been on the outs for months now and he has no idea of why I think we should see each other. Also, we've been close friends for five years - this isn't an odd request. So I told him nevermind, it was obvious to me that he didn't want to see me for any reason.
This was when he just blew up. We literally faught over IM for the remainder of the morning, but that will be the last time we speak. The rest of the early afternoon was spent in tears.
I HATE it when relationships end. I hate it when the long ones that I relied on turn on me. J was the first male I truly trusted, the first one I let inside my walls, the first person I loved and not just romantically. But it's over.
Wound up driving down to Sis' place and then back yesterday afternoon. Nothing like a four hour drive to clear the head.
The real balance to the day was late last night when Chewba called. Apparently the e-mail I sent him sounded vindictive (which it was) so he wanted to call and see why and if he could help.
We talked for over two hours. We laughed, we joked, we talked. It was like our late night chats over a bottle of rum only there was no alcohol and we are over 500 miles apart. I fell asleep listening to his voice - something totally comforting and needed. The conversation was laced with innuendo and suggestion. Our friendship has always been fairly close and it grew from a crush years ago.
He's talking about driving down here for a friend's wedding in a month or so and wanted to know if he could see me. I of course said yes. Who knows if he'll actually make it down, but I would love to see him.
Even told me last night that he had to get glasses. *sigh* It's been hard to resist the kid so far, but glasses? I can't handle that.
Today is a nerveracking day - I got a call back from one of the interviews I did. I honestly don't know if this is a second interview or a training session. I guess I'll find out.
currently reading: Timeline - Michael Crichton
currently listening: the tv (ER is on)
