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Home of my Own
12 July 2003 @ 11:01 p.m.
Every muscle aches, even each individual muscle tendon and ligament in my feet. My shoulders are stiff, neck tight, and arms sore. Even my hair hurts right now. I don't think I can handle another 9.5 hour shift like that again. I didn't feel this bad after my shift at the theatre on New Year's Eve when I was in heels for over twelve hours.
The last four hours of my shift was for a bridal shower catered by the tea room where I waitress. I sat there and watched this couple, right about my own age, open gift after gift to celebrate their future together. Each was wrapped in thick, expensive paper with dried flowers or intricate ribbons tied neatly around. Wine racks, antique picnic baskets, the best tupperware sets, linen table cloths, flower pots, and cookbooks seemed to blossom from the flowery bags and boxes. I saw things there I'd wished for from catalogues - the perfect sage green linen table cloth as well as an elegant barware set.
I don't wish to be engaged or married right now, but I would love to have the things this couple was given tonight. To stock my cupboards with matching Tupperware. To have a decent knife set. To line my window sills with unique and colorful flower pots. Truly having a home of my own, with my own nice things, being domestic in my own right - these are the yearnings of today. The house I am in right now isn't mine, the dorm rooms I had weren't mine, even the house I lived in for several years wasn't truly mine. I couldn't put things exactly where I wanted, decorated the way I wanted to, control it all. I honestly believe the new apartment will bring me that control and that sense of ownership. Even though I will be renting, it will be my own domain.
I have begun the list of things I need and things I want when I move back. The list is long and expensive - I honestly have no idea how I will afford any of it. But I have a chair as well as the furniture from before. The Father mentioned recently he might buy me a bed too.
I'll just keep suffering through the sore feet and achy back until I can afford a vaccuum and crock pot.
currently reading: Arrow of the Queen - Mercedes Lackey
currently listening: 80s Retro Show on the Radio
