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Winner in the Comparison Game
24 August 2003 @ 5:18 p.m.
It is a beautiful day. The sun is shining, a light southwest breeze filters through my window, and it�s the perfect summer temperature. Mother Nature is offering the world a reflection of my thoughts and dreams today.
I haven�t felt this high in ages. Especially since it has been like this for days. Days. Me, the little red girl, has been truly happy for days. This never happens to me. Never. I will always find some doubt to dwell upon or have some physical ailment to override the mental euphoria. Not now. I can�t think of anything to bring myself back down (and yes, I tried). Even started the comparison game � comparing everything about Chewba to every other guy I�ve ever dated/crushed/etc.
The comparison game is something I do to avoid getting close. I know this, though it isn�t normally something I divulge to others. I never got involved with T and probably stayed with J romantically longer because of this game. One guy kisses better than another. One is taller, one is older, one is more responsible. I�ve always held Chewba high in the friendship department when comparing him to others (oh yes � most guy friends are thrown into the deck for the game as well). But now with almost all factors in, he�s still way up there.
And that is perfect and scary all at the same time. Hence the week-long euphoria. I�m happy. Period.
currently reading: -
currently listening: Portishead � Dummy
