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Stormy Morning
28 August 2003 @ 1:02 p.m.
The hard rain and thunder outside my large windows is fitting. Just because I woke up in a state of euphoria doesn�t guarantee it will continue.
I cannot replace an entire support system with one person overnight and not tell him everything that goes on inside me. He makes me feel needed again, but it just isn�t enough. I�m crashing again�
Today is the fourth day of classes for the term � my final fall term. I did not attend two of my courses due to an untimely panic attack. I had just said goodbye to Chewba and was getting ready to jump in the shower when it hit me. Wound up curled up in my chair crying over everything and nothing for over an hour. A plethora of what-ifs streamed through my head at such an overwhelming pace.
Part of me wished that Chewba hadn�t left, the other part is still scared to let him see the worst part of me. Even after all these years of friendship. He knows I hurt inside and shut others out, just not why.
It�s so dark outside right now as the rain pours down. I�m scared to leave my apartment even though there are classes to attend and errands to run. The storm grows stronger and I retreat further.
A week of euphoria is all a girl can really ask for, right? Then the reality sinks in that everything isn�t so perfect no matter how hard he tries to make it so.
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