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Lazy Joy
01 September 2003 @ 1:03 a.m.
What a lazy day. Perfect temperature, beautiful sunlight streaming through the blinds, happy lazy thoughts filtering through my head. Nothing of real importance was accomplished unless you consider banishing the rancid smell from the kitchen area important. It�s Labor Day weekend and instead of going camping or boating or picnicking, I am spending quality time alone with my bliss. Or at least that�s what I did all day today and have planned for tomorrow morning.
This apartment is the solid base of my joy. From the tiled counter to the large windows, everything is perfect. The moving-in bugs have been worked out and just about everything has found its place. I have yearned for my own sanctuary for so long it still amazes me that I wake up to it daily. Granted it is even better waking up here next to someone as nurturing, kind, and handsome as Chewba.
Though part of me still wonders what it would be like waking up next to J in such a perfect state. What our lives would be like if things had turned out differently. Would he be as happy for me about the new place? What about where I am right now mentally? Would I even be here if J and I were still together in any sense?
I find myself pondering questions such as these while I lay on the plush carpet here. And I always come to the conclusion that where I am right now is leagues ahead of where I would be if J were still around.
I find myself repeating and rehashing the same thoughts over and over about where the relationship with Chewba is and where it is going. Especially during the down times like today. I have a hard time accepting when something is this comfortable, this good, this blissful. Not much can bring a smile to my face while cleaning out a stinky fridge, though the sunlight and thoughts of him did.
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