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Means To An End
22 September 2003 @ 9:13 p.m.
I am happy. It's the wake-up-in-the-morning-with-a-smile happy. This is totally new and unreal to me. But it's true - I am happy.
So tell me this - why do I still catch myself crying randomly throughout the day? Why am I eating huge amounts of comfort food? Why has my motivation ran off with my attention span?
The tears that fall are full of fear and anxiety over a multitude of issues. Mostly "what ifs" at this point, which I must admit is an improvement for me. The big one that looms daily is this question of whether or not to try counseling again. I have decided that medication to control the crying fits is out of the question for now. The fear surrounding the medication issue is too great considering my past. But counseling may be worth the try.
Back in high school I had regular appointments with one thanks to the Parentals and thier intervention. But it was coupled with an incredibly high dose of the numbing drugs so I have no way to ascertain the real effect the sessions had on me.
So here I sit, truly blissful and in tears. I know what I want, I just need to find the best way to get that without ruining what I have now.
currently reading: -
currently listening: Global Underground 25 - Deep Dish - Toronto
