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Chaos of the Head
27 September 2003 @ 3:42 p.m.
Someone please make the tears stop. Please. I am having trouble with the basic functions of life because the tears just won't stop.
My concentration is gone. There are books to be read, papers to write, socials to attend, clothes to clean yet I am unable to focus on anything for longer than a few moments. Even those things I have always enjoyed are becoming more difficult. Last night I was working on the music selection for the big social going on tonight and it took almost twice as long since I couldn't concentrate.
The situation works like this: I'll be sitting at my desk reading or typing away all happily, then I'll find myself getting up for a drink or suddenly realizing my toenails need to be trimmed. Next thing I know twenty minutes has passed somehow, but my toes are now trim and clean and I have forgotten my train of thought to the work. TV bores me. It's a good thing I don't have a novel to read at the moment because I doubt I could finish it.
I even found myself distracted while on the phone with Chewba last night.
My mind flits all over randomly. One moment I will be thinking about coursework, the next will be about a plant that looks a bit sick, money issues might pop in there, the floor looks dirty, then the thoughts about why I'm flitting around start streaming in, until the spider on the wall distracts me from that. I've tried going to a computer lab on campus to work, but the flightiness continues there.
And then the tears fall randomly. The inner workings of my mind are now truly random and chaotic. For example, I have been sitting here at the desk for over an hour attempting to write a paper that is due Monday morning. I have the outline done. That's all. But my toes are clean, I'm fed, and my kings of chaos character has been updated for the day.
I want stability in thought and crying level. Then at least I'll know what to expect as I trudge through the days.
currently reading: -
currently listening: random music off the giant MP3 list
