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Colors, Snow and the Future
30 September 2003 @ 7:54 a.m.
The cold drizzle of the past week changed to snow last night. There is a very light dusting of wet whiteness over the parking lot, cars, and fields.
Last night as I drove across town, the clouds broke and I was able to see the fall colors for the first time this season. It has been so dark, so wet, so dreary for so long, I hadn't noticed the reds and golds appearing across the canal. Another few days here and we'll hit peak - unfortunatly its supposed to rain and snow for the next week.
With the onset of cold comes the fall sickness. Not quite a cold, not quite the flu, just the general ick that comes with the change of leaves. Yesterday I was unable to keep food down, the day before started the muscle aches, today I'm just sore and starving. Luckily I was able to get quite a bit of sleep last night thanks to Chewba.
Well, sleep came after I had yet another smack in the face by reality. Chewba and I are both finally graduating from the university this coming spring. Now, for the past three years or so I have not truly thought of the future because it was all figured out for me - J and I were going to move to the Minneapolis area to live near Numnum in true friendship and all that jazz.
Except last night I realized that I won't be moving to Minneapolis with J come May. I literally could go wherever I wanted (obviously still in the Great Lakes area) or wherever the work really was. Or I could follow Chewba. Today is his big day to set up interviews and schmooze with certain corporations for future work. He has his sights set on a certain company associated with the automotive industry, but is looking for any work that won't compromise his morals.
And last night I started thinking that maybe I should hold off on my job hunt just another week or so to see how his goes. I started seeing us together in the future - and not just the tomorrow future but next Fall and even the Fall after that.
Of course I did the mental slapping of myself saying that it was too early to think such things. Started attempting to focus on things that are less than appealing about Chewba, consciously attempting to find fault with him and the relationship. But I wasn't able to find faults in him that I don't have myself and now I'm fine with this feeling. Almost.
Hell, I'm still not quite used to waking up next to him or calling him my "boyfriend". The walls are still up, the guard is still in place so I don't get plowed over again.
This just feels right though. I kissed him goodbye with my confidence this morning so now I just wait as he works his charm over the recruiters. In the meantime, I'll be here trying to keep my breakfast down as I get ready to head into campus for the day.
currently reading: -
currently listening: Morning news
