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Peace
07 October 2003 @ 9:02 a.m.
Yesterday was beautiful in everyway possible. Beautiful. So close to perfection in feeling and sight.
Chewba and I ran off to a quiet set of waterfalls about thirty miles north of here for a secret picnic yesterday afternoon. We found a dry rock warming in the sunshine and just sat there listening to the water rush by eating the food I had prepared. It was so peaceful and relaxing. Even took a few photos to remember it by. We couldn't stay long due to other obligations, but it was honestly a sanctuary while it lasted.
Driving back home through the colors allowed me to think quite a bit - how I had finally found someone who appreciated some of the simpler things such as a small waterfall on an October afternoon.
Then last evening my second Little Brother was pinned. So now I have The Little (who is becoming more psycho by the day) and the new one who I have yet to "name" here. It's amazing how things work out like that - I was worried I would never have one for so long and now have two.
All this wonderfulness as well as Chewba curled up next to me for the first time in days, I expected to have peaceful and happy dreams.
Instead I awoke this morning dreaming of J. That's right, J. We were working together and all I can remember was him ordering me around and I followed him everywhere. I honestly woke up in panic, turned off the alarm and just sat there before silently heading to the bathroom to lock myself in and cry. No "Good Morning" to Chewba who was just waking next to me. Nothing.
I do not want to follow J anywhere for any reason.
So now I sit here unable to ready myself for the day trying to come to terms with what I saw in my head while the man who says he only wants to take away my pain sleeps peacefully in the next room.
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