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Snowy Hopes
27 October 2003 @ 10:03 a.m.
Yet another crisp sunny morning with a light dusting of snow atop the world. The air here seems even more fresh than in town where the old house was, if that's possible. It's quieter out here, more peaceful, and thus far, gets more snow.
Woke up on my own again this morning - another good sign. I have motivation today. It's a bloody miracle, I have motivation today. I actually want to work on an essay rewrite today. I actually want to continue to study for the two exams I have later in the week. Should be a good day if I can keep up this mindset.
I've stated it before, but it is obvious to me that my mood is directly related to the world, the nature, surrounding me. I'm most at peace with a fresh blanket of snow and/or a calm yet large body of water nearby. Hot sticky muggy days in a barren area leave me cranky and sick. This is why I live so far north next to the largest body of fresh water in a place where there is snow on the ground November to April. Thank goodness the weather report for the next few days call for snow.
This Friday will be the start to Chewba and my first trip together. Just the two of us driving down into Wisconsin. This Friday the man I love will be presenting me to both his family and his closest friends. This Friday, I will be judged by those who have loved him his entire life. This Friday will finally give us the alone time we've been craving. This Friday makes me nervous.
I have this fear that his friends won't like me, that they will see me as a boring chubby girl. That I won't be smart enough or quick enough or anything. I haven't been this uncertain of myself in ages. Just the thought of what to wear for the weekend is, well, stressful. I want this to be perfect for him. Chewba is so excited to have everyone meet me - basically I just want to not be a mess for them. No crying, no hissy fits, no pushing people away, no blank stares, just me.
Let the snow of the week prepare me; for exams, for life, for family visits.
currently reading: Taking the Red Pill: Science, Philosophy and Religion in The Matrix
currently listening: the tv
