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London Rain
19 November 2003 @ 9:57 a.m.
Yesterday I cried.
The world was gray, circles under my eyes large, heart empty. Lonely. And I cried. Alcohol appeared to be a decent idea, so the rum was opened in the early afternoon. Drinking to feel something other than the tears. Drinking to have something to do to pass the time when unable to fall back asleep. In the early afternoon.
T came knocking on my door � he was in the �neighborhood�. No one is ever just in my neighborhood. We chat, me half drunk and still in my pajamas. He convinces me to get dressed and go to dinner with him. Buys me McDonald�s as we sat in public discussing things better left to one�s private home. T�s timing is once again impeccable, as he left me with dry cheeks and a full tummy.
Once again I was alone in the dark apartment. Tears fell as I lit candles to light my life. Took a long, hot bath in an attempt to wash the loneliness and anxiety away. Wound up just shaving my legs, though. Sounds of Mazzy Star, Portishead, and Heather Nova drifted through the vanilla-scented air calming my troubled mind. I gathered my willpower to pick up the apartment and ready myself for sleep. Sleep. Slid into bed with only a big T-shirt on, snuggling into the covers praying the tears would stay away.
My teddy bear was slowly pulled out of my arms, �You don�t need this now� whispered in my ear. I was half asleep as Chewba came in and gathered me into his big arms. He just held me in silence for what I wish was an eternity, then rolled me onto my stomach and rubbed my back until I fell back asleep. Peaceful sleep finally came to me. No tears, no fears, just me being held.
I awoke in the dark to the sound of rain, only today not alone. He was right there next to me, his arm resting lightly on my back sound asleep.
So now here I sit, preparing for the day wishing only to lay back down with him in peace. Chewba knew exactly what to do to help. Heather Nova�s song, �London Rain�, should be his theme song � because nothing heals me like he does.
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