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Identity
20 November 2003 @ 10:29 p.m.
It�s been one of those days. No, strike that, one of those weeks. A week where I have been unable to do much of anything, unless you count curled up in a papasan chair contemplating identity and life for days productive.
It all comes down to one simple thing � I do not know who I am anymore. I know what I believe in. I know what my morals and ethics are. I know my name, my age, my weight, my height, my eye color. But I don�t know what my role is in my current life.
I have no desire to be a student any longer. My drive for education is completely gone. I want to work a steady job. I�m ready to settle down � but am scared to death of what that means. I no longer wish to mother the idiots around me. I�m ready for someone to, just for a little while, listen to what�s going on in my head without being involved in the situation. I do not want to live the student life anymore but have no way to escape it. I feel trapped with people who are not close to me in any way shape or form.
The present scares the hell out of me. Everyday tasks fill me with fear and anxiety. Especially those everyday tasks revolving around school and fraternity work.
I attempt to treat myself to special things, trying to convince myself that a fun thing will allow me to concentrate and relax around work. But it doesn�t happen � I wind up having one very down day followed by one on the verge of manic. Tired or hyper, I now have nothing in between anymore. And the in between is what forms a niche in a society.
So where am I?
currently reading: -
currently listening: ER on tv
