* Now
* Archives
* Disclaimer
* Bio
* Cast
* AIM
*
Guestbook
* E-mail
* Notes
* Survey
* Profile
* Reviews
* Quizzes
* Rings
* Reads
* Fanclub
* Clix Me!
All Content and Code �2000-2006 by Red
Hosted by DiaryLand.
Randomness in the Snow
30 November 2003 @ 12:57 p.m.
The thick happy snow is back! Fluffy whiteness falling gently from the gray sky covering up the world.
I woke up on my own early this morning - laying quietly next to Chewba. It was quiet and a little chilly as I got up to make a cup of tea to start the day. Even the pain in the lower left quadrant of the back wasn't too terrible. Just a peaceful morn.
The snow is coming down thicker as I type this, bringing a smile to my freckled face. Something has to take my mind off the stiffness in my legs and buttocks.
I am scared. No other way to put it.
Numbness in the leg the other week. Now I have this incessant pain and stiffness that refuses to dissipate without the mega drugs. Did I blow another disk? Is it the fact that I've gained 10 pounds in the past three months putting pressure on the old scars? Or is it simply that I have a fantastic relationship, decent grades, love where I'm living and my anxiety attacks are finally beginning to fade that something must go wrong in my life, why not my health?
My big thing now is whether or not to clue everyone else in on the pain. I can hide the gimp leg as I did those years ago for a while if it doesn't become worse, but is it worth it? Maybe I should be like EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON as of late and pull attention-grabbing stunts to make everyone feel sorry for me. Yeah, that's right, all of the local "friends" have been pulling the my-life-sucks-worse-than-yours-so-feel-sorry-for-me-before-I-kill-myself routine to both M&M and myself. Maybe I'll join them, though I won't have the strong female to throw my cares on.
She and I had a proper bitch session earlier today about how the local "friends" are hunting for pity and such from the two of us. Even though she's so broke she's about to lose her place and I'm in more pain than I have been in years, we're still the strong women to lean on. That's right, we're the women who are given shit but refuse to wollow in it - we prefer to bake it into yummy pies instead.
I'll end the random bitching now and focus back on the snow falling out the window. Today will be spent alone doing what I need to do - the entire time not giving in to my stupid spine.
currently reading: Wish you Well � David Baldacci
currently listening: Spice Girls - Spice
