* Now
* Archives
* Disclaimer
* Bio
* Cast
* AIM
*
Guestbook
* E-mail
* Notes
* Survey
* Profile
* Reviews
* Quizzes
* Rings
* Reads
* Fanclub
* Clix Me!
All Content and Code �2000-2006 by Red
Hosted by DiaryLand.
Uncontrollable Outbursts
15 December 2003 @ 12:31 a.m.
34 pages. That�s right, 34 pages of organizational behavior drivel. Done. I wrote it, Chewba edited it. It�s done. That�s all that matters.
One down, two to go. Each is supposed to be approximately ten pages. I have no desire to write them. None! See, I can�t even write in complete sentences now. Just fragments. Too much writing!
The burnout I am obviously suffering from is causing me to cycle through emotions on a semi-hourly basis. If I were bi-polar, I�d say I was rapid cycling. Instead I just go from cranky-uber-bitch to sweet-giggly-girl and back again several times during the day for no apparent reason. It took me an insane amount of time to pound out the paper, as I wasn�t able to concentrate and/or keep myself from crying long enough to type a paragraph.
This isn�t good. My inner negativity is escaping into my coursework in the most inopportune places. One of Chewba�s comments on the essay was that towards the end I was being self-degrading. I�m not able to control the outlets of my emotion. It�s becoming easier for me to just sit silently in all public appearances. Today�s Christmas Potluck was no different. Food eaten, social niceties exchanged, and then the gift exchange began. Being the oldest, I had to go first. Every year the gift exchange has been fantastic. This year, not so much. I almost broke out in tears when I received a box of blonde hair dye. Hair dye. I have never been so insulted and unloved by those I consider friends � the one thing I have always loved about myself is my hair and its unique orangeyred color. But no � blonde hair dye. I sat there watching others get remote controlled cars, Bath & Body Works gift sets, calendars to fit their personalities, candy, and stuffed animals holding a box of Clairol Nice&Easy in medium blonde.
Now I sit here contemplating the events of the day. From waking up crabby to the President�s blue tie as he told the nation he found the man who was responsible for the decades of terror in Iraq (where are those WMDs anyway?) to good food to hair dye to completing an enormous final paper � now I�m flipping channels hoping to find something mind-numbing to watch.
currently reading: The Golden Nineties � Lisa Mason
currently listening: -
