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Anxiety
22 December 2003 @ 9:54 a.m.
I hate not having any time to myself to write. It�s been days and all I�ve craved is sitting down and placing my thoughts down on �paper�. Journaling for over ten years will do this to a person. But here I am, finally sitting down while Sis is taking another long, hot shower.
She�s been here since late Friday night and hasn�t gone off on her own at all, nor allowed me to do so, since she�s been here. I need alone time to recharge my batteries. I�m running on vapors right now, if that. Last night I locked myself in my bedroom hoping that if I tried hard enough I wouldn�t hear her in the other room watching television. She�s my little sister so I have to deal with her, but by now she should realize that I need a few hours every day just to myself. We�ve been sisters for twenty years for fuck�s sake.
Chewba helped out a bit by being with us a good portion of the time. But he�s like I am and spent his hours at home doing his thing while I entertained the ever-perky Sis. He left for his family home yesterday morning for the holidays. I could have really used him last night to help me just fall asleep instead of crying in frustration.
But now it is my turn to head south to the family home. Five days with everyone in the house of everlasting anxiety. Five days dealing with cuts at my weight, my lifestyle, my hair, my grades. Five days of no alone time. Five days of boredom. The Mother is all excited to have her girls under the same roof for so long. I honestly dread this. I�m not close to my family in any way shape or form. Somehow, a family that is so close in every way raised a free spirit like me. I feel suffocated when I�m around them. It�s because of this that I�ve begun to dread holidays. Maybe I�ll be able to fake another migraine to get out of things. Maybe.
It�s also five days until the possibility of running into J, another source of my current anxiety and dread.
This is the perfect time of year for anxiety, eh? Let�s just see if I can survive eight hours in a car with Sis. That is step one.
currently reading: The Golden Nineties � Lisa Mason
currently listening: Hip-hop MP3 list
