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Friday Five - 12/26 (and then some!)
26 December 2003 @ 11:29 p.m.
Today�s Friday Five first:
1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?
My biggest accomplishment this year was cutting J out of my life finally. It took so much strength and caused so much pain, but I did it. I was bigger than he. I was responsible for cutting such a major chunk of hurt from my life. It will truly be my biggest accomplishment when I see him tomorrow and feel nothing. I will feel nothing when I lay eyes on the man I thought was it for me. Instead my eyes will pass over him and land on Chewba, the one who doesn�t hurt me.
2. What was your biggest disappointment?
This is probably myself. My grades, my weight, my happiness, my anxiety, my distance, my everything has brought me disappointment this year. I was handed some awesome opportunities and I shoved them away in fear.
3. What do you hope the new year brings?
I hope this year I finally find that inner peace. I think this is the real opportunity for me to find it now that I have confronted my demons head on. The proverbial �they� says that you must first recognize and accept the real issues before growth may occur. Let�s hope that acceptance is around the corner, because I now see it all.
4. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? If yes, what will they be?
I normally do not do resolutions. Last year I said I was working on one, but never made it. This year it is time. It�s time for me to buckle down and say, yes, I will lose the weight. No more empty promises and wishful thinking of walking hundreds of miles. It�s time for that guilt-ful support group of people who can drag my fat ass to aerobic classes on a regular basis. So here it is � my resolution is to attend an aerobics class three times a week January to May of 2004. Of course as I say this I�m stuffing my fat face with garlic bread. . .
5. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?
Spending it with Chewba and his friends. Hopefully it will be laid back and relaxing, unlike the Halloween party that was just crazy. It�s a tradition they have of a three-day party in Wisconsin only this year with me there too. The entire week is just mad traveling. But I�m looking forward to spending so much time together just being us.
* * *
The holidays are now over. I�m terribly thankful for that. Presents given, presents received. I put on the happy little red girl mask for two days straight, even though inside I�ve been a complete mess. Now it�s time to pack things back up, clean things back up, and prepare for what could be a stressful social engagement. This hockey tournament is usually the highlight of the holidays � close friends supporting the hockey team in a laid back environment. I�m able to see folks I never see.
This year J and I aren�t speaking though. I had to find a new place to crash near the arena. I�m nervous about what will happen when I see him. I know what I feel inside but how will it look on the outside to others? Everything scares me about the entire endeavor. I will be showing up alone.
All I want to do is walk into our section of the arena looking fantastic and confident. I want to glow. I want to see Chewba already in the stands with the band so that I may look up and wave in confidence, not even seeing J at first. But I want to look good. I want to look happy. I want to radiate the happiness I�ve found by realizing everything that is wrong and everything that is right within me.
Most of all, I want to prove to myself that everything will be all right. That I can be the socialite Fabulous Girl once again.
currently reading: The Golden Nineties � Lisa Mason
currently listening: Hip-hop radio station
