* Now
* Archives
* Disclaimer
* Bio
* Cast
* AIM
*
Guestbook
* E-mail
* Notes
* Survey
* Profile
* Reviews
* Quizzes
* Rings
* Reads
* Fanclub
* Clix Me!
All Content and Code �2000-2006 by Red
Hosted by DiaryLand.
The Truth
03 January 2004 @ 6:03 p.m.
Home again. At last. Home to the snow, the cold, my plants, my fish, my life. Home to my comforts. The past week has been incredibly eventful on every level possible. I have a strong feeling that 2004 will be the year of major changes in my life.
I�ll begin with the hockey tournament. My sixth time in attendance � crowd smallest I�ve ever seen it. Our own alumni count was incredibly low, leaving me few people to sit with. Caught up with those who were there, cheered on Chewba and the rest of the band, watched some fairly pathetic hockey. But then numnum walked in with the ex-bitch and her boyfriend. He completely made my weekend by coming. We sat and chatted while others arrived, including J.
Before I arrived in Detroit, I made the decision that I would offer J the same attention he has given me in the past several months � none. And I stuck to my guns throughout the entire hockey game and most of the night in the bars. He looked like hell � needed a haircut and shave as well as new clothes. In fact, I doubt I�d ever seen him in such shambles. Had his new redhead in tow that hung on him like a leech. It was almost sad, really.
I felt nothing hanging out with everyone at the bar later that night. Chewba had another engagement, so I went out alone. Sitting at a table with the crowd I used to hang with back in 1998-2001, I only wanted to sit and talk to numnum. To me, it seemed he was the only one who�d grown since those years of indulgence. So maybe I have grown. I just needed it to be thrown in my face. I needed my old life, my old love, and my ex-best friend bitch all around a table drinking to see that it isn�t for me anymore. So I left early and went to the party Chewba was at with his old housemates. That night every last feeling I thought I could possibly have for J dissipated. Every last thought that I yearned for that crazy life flew away. All I wanted was to give Chewba a hug and tell him that it was over.
I could finally properly move on.
The next day, Sunday, Chewba and the Mother finally met. She didn�t explode, she didn�t kick him out, she didn�t compare him to anyone in my past. In fact, I think she liked him. Similar responses from the Grandparentals. I was amazed and overjoyed. But the drive began.
Nine hours in his small car driving from downstate Michigan to Door County Wisconsin. Nine hours for us to discuss everything under the sun, including the future of the relationship.
I didn�t think it was possible to get closer to this man. But it happened.
Arrived at the �cabin� in Door County. This cabin was larger than the house I grew up in, but hey, whatever. If 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and a deck is a cabin, so be it. Met even more of Chewba�s friends. This time, I wasn�t all uncomfortable. This time I was able to blend right in for three days of relaxation, drinking, cooking, and continuing to grow closer to him.
There was something in the water at that cabin too � made everyone there a tad bit randy. That is if a �tad bit� constitutes three nights in a row where neither of us slept at all. Talking about things we hadn�t discussed before left us so open and comfortable that the sex was fanfuckingtastic. Better than I�ve ever had in my life.
New Year�s eve was celebrated with everyone outside around the bonfire and on the deck. No glasses � just bottles of Korbel passed around as couples kissed and everyone hugged. It was so laid back and perfect. I can�t think of another way I would bring in the new year. New friends were made, good food and drink consumed. The beauty of the lake surrounding it all. Perfect. I have no other way to describe it.
Drove back here, home, last night in the rain. Or at least it was raining in Wisconsin. Thankfully the snow was beautiful here. It was the perfect topping to everything. Well, almost. See, there was no hot water at the cabin, so showers were cold if people actually took them. So I was looking forward to a hot shower/bath as soon as I got home. I also needed it thanks to my back acting up all day yesterday. What made the arrival home perfect was when Chewba took care of me � put me in the shower, rubbed down my back, and kept my bed warm laying next to me. It was warm and comforting in every possible way.
He�s now shown me exactly what love is supposed to be. It�s the support of each other, knowing one another to the core but keeping it interesting at the same time. It�s not using societies roles to define who we are, but only using ourselves. It�s letting him in on my dark places and vice versa without being frightened away. It�s about the fluttering of the heart with the simplicity of holding each other�s hand in the movie theatre after knowing each other for years. I had none of this with J and now I know why and have accepted it all. The light, the dark, the gray, and the truth.
currently reading: -
currently listening: the tv (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy)
