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Fear
14 January 2004 @ 8:11 a.m.
Never allow unnecessary fear to overcome you, but when it does, thank God when something almost miraculous happens to shut fear out completely.
Yesterday�s freakish dream left me pondering most of the day. So much so that I had begun to convince myself that the dream was my body�s unconscious way of telling me I was pregnant. All the signs were there, in my head, leaving me frantically looking up abortion clinics and doctors within a ten-hour radius. The worry began to consume me � even though it was less than a 24-hour period. I had totally convinced myself this was true by the time Chewba came here after he got out of work. I could hardly do more than kiss him without breaking down due to the fear.
Sounds absurd, yes? Well now I think so too. Because at 3:00 this morning, I began the monthly cycle and ritual most women abhor. The worry was honestly stupid considering I knew I was to begin the following day, but reason wasn�t getting through my stupid thick head. A huge weight felt as though it were lifted from my entire body as I crawled back into bed and snuggled next to him. Sleep came easy, as it should.
I wish this sort of worry only happened once every so often with me. I wish that unnecessary fear never came to my little head. But this type of thing is becoming a regular occurrence, whether it is based on some financial quip, a failing course, or a ridiculous social phobia. I teach others to take things in stride because worry will ruin them. Too bad I can�t seem to follow my own advice.
currently reading: Quicksilver � Neal Stephenson
currently listening: Fleetwood Mac Live
