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Getting Back
07 February 2004 @ 11:51 p.m.
Day two of no internet connection. Also day two of not leaving my apartment. The amount of caffeine I have ingested is mind-boggling.
Trying to find ways to entertain oneself can be difficult when stuck in a negative, self-degrading state of mind. Saturday television is of no help. There are only so many dishes to scrub. I�m doing my best not to smoke the rest of whatever I have here. Same with eating all the food in the house.
Nothing like binge eating while sitting alone in a dark, smoky apartment on a Saturday evening.
I do wish that my computer, the cable modem, and the server would speak to each other. A similar thing happened when I first installed the cable modem. I pay good money for this, yet it doesn�t work. It�s so much easier to be a hermit when I have private access to the news, games, Diaryland, and everything else that is part of my daily routine.
Or at least what�s left of the routine.
I find it is whenever I deviate from my set routine that my mind wanders back into the hole inside. Unfortunately, these days I have little reason to have a routine at all. Classes are easy and sparse. Work won�t start until the first of March. And why bother showing up to social events when no one notices if I�m there or not?
There�s no outside motivation for me anymore. My will power is almost nonexistent anymore. I went from a very strong woman who was totally in control and could weather anything to this person who sits around in her pajamas watching soap operas.
How do I get back?
currently reading: -
currently listening: Saturday Night Live on tv
