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Scared
21 March 2004 @ 3:38 p.m.
written last night as I sat by the computer DJ-ing a party�
I�m actually sitting here Djing a party, but cannot enjoy the party. Things running through my head prevent me from even considering letting myself go. I have my third beer in hand and my DJ setup in front of me and I�d rather be home curled up on the floor.
By the way, I DJ friends parties at times from the massive music collection. This one is a frat party but it sucks.
The Spring depression is setting in hard and early. The littlest things are setting me off. I have no desire to be social anymore, even with Chewba. In fact, he called me several times tonight to remind me that I said I�d do this party before showing up at my door to drag me and the equipment to the house. He found me sitting with a bottle of Diet Mountain Dew watching newer Disney movies. Luckily I wasn�t crying at the time, though I quickly ran to the bathroom to release the tears in private as he waited for me to clean up.
Food and I are not getting along. Yesterday Ari helped enormously by bringing grapes, crackers, and humus to the scrapbooking party as I nibbled a bit. But today all I�ve had is a bowl of pasta and marinara sauce all day. The beer sits in my empty stomach mocking me. My appetite ran away with all my money. And I�m scared.
currently reading: -
currently listening: 80s set Go-Gos � Vacation
