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Confidence
01 April 2004 @ 8:17 a.m.
It�s a sad day when your own dreams make you feel inferior, inept, and stupid.
Today is that day.
I awoke well before my alarm (like 5:50 a.m.) from a horribly realistic dream about my involvement in �extracurricular� activities for the past five years or so. The feeling it left me with was that no one wanted me around, that I was holding every group I participated with back, that I was personally responsible for their downfall.
I got up, found a glass of water, tried to shake the feeling, then returned to sleep. The dreams returned only this time far more focused. I saw every shortcoming, whether real or imagined, seen during my three terms of office for the Fraternity. It was like �This is Your Life� only the nightmare version. I am incompetent at what I attempt to do. I set goals and hardly ever reach them.
This is how I feel as I wake up to face yet another extremely busy day.
I don�t know if the dreams are the reflection of yesterday � a day when my most productive moment included browning hamburger. The entire morning was filled with Diet Mt. Dew, POGO games, and me chatting to random folks over AIM when I should have been in class or at least on campus working on the research project. I should have eaten a proper meal too. I should have done at least something.
But here it is 8:00 a.m., I�m eating my breakfast and trying to figure out how I can overcome these feelings of inferiority. I honestly don�t have time for them, let alone any other setbacks in my coursework and life. All I really want is the confidence to do what I have been doing, the confidence to get through these last few days of my collegiate career, the confidence to shine.
currently reading: -
currently listening: Portishead � Glory Box
