* Now
* Archives
* Disclaimer
* Bio
* Cast
* AIM
*
Guestbook
* E-mail
* Notes
* Survey
* Profile
* Reviews
* Quizzes
* Rings
* Reads
* Fanclub
* Clix Me!
All Content and Code �2000-2006 by Red
Hosted by DiaryLand.
The First Night
15 May 2004 @ 11:47 p.m.
I really could have used a cigarette or two tonight. Someone tell me again why I decided to finally quit?
Tonight I drove back home alone, without Chewba. He now is with all of his earthly possessions at his family�s home with plans to continue the job hunt from there. We are over four hours apart now, not just across town. As I drove away from his childhood home, I exploded in tears and not the happy kind. For a full hour I drove back to my quiet cold apartment in harsh tears succumbing to my fears.
It took every bit of my will power to once again convince myself that Chewba is NOT J and he will not hurt me as soon as I am out of sight. Took everything I had to fight back the fears that I will once again be betrayed, to remember that this time the feelings are honestly reciprocated, that these next few months will be perfectly alright, that he will write me letters.
The drive was long and very dark. No stars shone in the sky above the surrounding wilderness, making it incredibly difficult to see things other than the fading lines on the road. I was very alert for deer and other wildlife that have a tendency to find themselves hurt on the highways � though was not expecting to almost hit a gigantic owl as I came around a sharp curve. I don�t believe I�ve ever seen a bird that large so close. Let�s just say that my nerves are still a bit shaky from the experience.
But now here I sit. The entire apartment building is incredibly quiet and slightly chilly. Everything seems fairly normal save the empty bed I will soon retire to. His presence has allowed me once again to know what it�s like to be warm and comforted every night. Maybe I�ll just throw on another blanket and hope for sweet dreams to float through my sleep.
currently reading: -
currently listening: The Hudsucker Proxy on TV
