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Quandry
21 July 2004 @ 1:26 p.m.
I realize that I haven�t written in ages, but camp will do that to you. I am able to get on the internet less often than I had hoped which really does do things to my mood. . .
Anyway, I needed to write this in a place where someone may possibly give me some guidance. Here it is, more than half the way through the summer, and I have no job and no place to live come August 16th. I am scared, scared shitless to be exact. I honestly have no idea what I am supposed to do with my life, where I am supposed to go, or what my options really are.
On top of just the general wondering, I have been questioning my choice of career. Here I am only a few months out of college and I doubt my ability to create a safe environment for children. Others see me as such a strong woman � I see me as the weak one who may crumble at any moment. At this moment, I want to stop looking for work in the �desired� field and just move to a town I think is nice and find something to pay the bills. At this moment, I don�t want to do seasonal residential camps for the rest of my life, or even just another year or two. At this moment, I crave stability. At this moment, I want a home where I can lay on the floor and listen to indie music on my free evenings.
Chewba and I have been doing a lot of talking about what the plans are come mid-August. He is also still without work � currently doing side jobs to save up a bit while turning out dozens of applications around the nation. We are still so in sync, so perfect, just with no direction when it comes to career and location. No one wants to hire us, even after several rounds of interviews. This is frustrating � I think more for him than me.
So what am I to do? I keep sending out these applications and resumes with no response. But I don�t even know if it is what I want anymore. I doubt my ability to do just about anything with more responsibility than a receptionist. I�m good at anything I do. Now to just decide what.
